Sunday, September 27, 2015

Got GoatMobile?

Originally titled, An open letter to the person I cut off on Rt. 36 in Mt. Vernon, Ohio on June 4, 2011, here is a repost from four years ago to prove that while the whole country is drunk from saying "popemobile" as many times as it collectively can, I've been saying GoatMobile for many years. 

Enjoy, I am back to work. --hh

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From your point of view, I so deserved to get flipped off.

I tried to mouth I'M SORRY when we were at the stoplight, but you didn't seem to get my meaning. Was that your kid in the backseat? Cute kid.

That was a small car you were driving. You had all the windows open on a hot day, which is my preferred method of travel. I don't like A. C.

Here's the part you don't know: I wasn't in my regular Mini Cooper, which is small like your car. I was in the GoatMobile, which is a lot different and lot bigger than my Mini.

GoatMobile and your humble hostess (see upper left).

I was traveling with my Mom who really likes her A. C. Now I would have happily rode my Mom around in the Mini with the A. C. blasting, but the Mini is eight years old and the A. C. is about kaput: puffing out a feeble stream of barely cool air.

The Mini's A. C. reminds you of an old dog trying hard to get up out of his bed and say hello, which breaks your heart because you remember when he was a puppy jumping and yipping and wagging his tail so hard it hurt plenty when it snapped across your shin.

With Mom and me having a bit of driving to do, the Goat and I decided to switch cars for a day on account of the GoatMobile (being only one year old) still has puppy A. C. Not that I should be saying anything about it, but judging by the dents and rust and your red face in the hot wind, I'm guessing your car's A. C. woofed it's last woof a long time ago.

Does any of this makes sense?

We were headed to a function in Danville that had a start time and an end time and it was about a two-hour drive from home. I'd never been to Danville and I was worried about getting lost and the time and would my hair look okay when I got there and all the stupid crap that fills your brain when you should be paying attention to the road. Don't know if you saw, but that old gal was going so slow in front of me I could have screamed. I swear I checked when I went to pass her but the giant GoatMobile has blind spots I'm not used to. I just didn't see you.


Thank Christ you slammed on the brakes and horn or the rest of the day could have turned out bad all the way around.

Goat and Mini Cooper.

Although I'm much more comfy in my Mini and the Goat is much more comfy in the GoatMobile, sometimes odd combinations work. I don't know anything about you, but I know Mount Vernon is a place with a lot of your God Squad and your Don’t-Tread-on-Me/snake stickers. That said, the Knox County Democrats have their office down at the Square, so the folks around there have clearly learned to tolerate the odd men out.

Well, kind of tolerate.

Maybe that commentary doesn't have anything to do with you. Maybe you're not down with treading snakes or the God Squad. Maybe in another life, we'd get off on better footing, without me about to ram the big GoatMobile into your compact thinger-car (didn't catch the make/model). Until then, I'll try to be more careful. And if you don't mind, maybe you can give the next guy the benefit of the doubt before you flip him the bird.



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Tuesday, September 08, 2015

In this lifetime, I shall ....

Photo that does not require a caption

.... be as happy as a dog riding in a car with all the windows down.

... stand in front of a camera grinning widely and holding a giant check.

... dress a plastic goose in a Mrs. Claus outfit.

... wear a billowy pant suit festooned with sequins.

... watch Ann Coulter deliver a teary coming-out speech.

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Sunday, August 30, 2015

Dear Tools I See At County Fairs Across Ohio Displaying Confederate Flags:

Ohio tools

This "symbol" has nothing to do with your "heritage." We are Yankees--Ohio Yankees, which are some of your Yankier Yankees. Hence, when you display this item, you're supporting ... what? Secession? Slavery?

More than 35,000 Ohioans died fighting against those ideologies and the Confederate Flag that represented them (incidentally, we won).

You might as well wave a German or Japanese flag before a WWII Vet.

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Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Piece by piece

Silver Dollar, die cut DC502FP

There is an actual website that a person (a regular person's person) can visit any time they want that features a vast array of information regarding pre-1973 Springbok Puzzles.

We are talking wall-to-wall vintage Springbok, people.

We're talking which die cut was used to manufacture which puzzles, how many pieces the die cut produced, how many puzzles were made with the die cut, what year each Springbok was manufactured, what sorts of inserts came with the puzzles, notes on the puzzle boxes, information about puzzle backings, the history of the logo and even the inside story on Springbok's little known wood puzzles.

Puzzle repair

And--if you can believe it--there are tons more than that.


Just dig the sort of pure puzzle gold a person (a regular person's person) gets over there:

A given puzzle was often manufactured with a variety of different cuts.

The daring publication of a Jackson Pollack painting, Convergence, as a puzzle caused a sensation in 1964 Christmas gift markets.

A "Fused Cut" occurs when a small piece of a die breaks. This results in a "Fused Piece" (2 puzzle pieces "fused" into 1).

I swear life is beautiful.

Research pending

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Sunday, August 23, 2015

Add a pinch of free market to Citizens United and you get: TRUMP

Financial windfall, O'Brien style

Dear readership, these musings have been written quickly whilst a development news assignment waits, the laundry tumbles, the beef roasts and the Goat golfs, so just stick with me on this.

Given: Americans really hate corruption.

Corruption has been going on in politics for a long time. In January of 2010, however, the Supreme Court of the United States removed any fig leaf hiding it by essentially codifying corruption with the Citizens United decision.

Enter: Donald Trump.

Pundits have much to say about the popularity welling around him. They call him an outsider. They claim he's tapped into a certain spittle-flecked-red-faced rightie anger.

yeah, yeah

The primary reason people are rallying around Trump is his money. They believe it makes him immune to the siren songs of the lobbyists and deep-pocketed special interests. They believe it frees him from fundraising.

His supporters don't care what he says. And to be fair, why should they? Nothing politicians say matters. It's all tribal.

So Trump has money and he's a tribe member (well, sort of). Add a healthy dose of bigotry and misogyny and voila! You're in rightie heaven.

Conversely, the lefties love Sanders because he's a socialist. Sanders cares more about people than money-- a LOT more. Therefore his supporters believe he cannot be bought by the big money hurting all the little people. Add income equality, reproductive rights and a living wage and libs inflate with pure joy.

All of this is causing a real problem for establishment candidates because they are (of course) bought and paid for by lobbyists and special interests.

Aside: Could 2016 be Kasich/Biden? hm ... dunno

As for me, I'll take the socialist over the narcissist (I'm pretty sure you could buy Trump for one thin dime if he was broke while Sanders has sung the same tune for 30 years), but make no mistake: When the courts stand above the American people and announce that corruption is the law of the land, John Q. Public will gravitate to those they believe will eschew it. Trump and Sanders are the perfect candidates: one doesn't need money, the other doesn't want it.

There is something delicious in this.

For once, beads of sweat are forming on big money's upper lip, although I'm certain it will find a way to snuff out Those Who Will Not Be Bough. Until then, the lobbyists can pull at their collars and clear their throats while the rest of us enjoy some free market politics.

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