Saturday, December 20, 2014

Because ... Dan Rowan

Dear everyone in the world:

Please stop what you're doing and watch this seven minutes of completely irrelevant footage:

Several points:

--Notice how Rowan loosens up during the course of the interview. He's not that likable in the beginning, but by the end he is completely engaging.

--The pregnancy joke and what television censorship used to look like--talk about a point of reference.

--The Chautauqua Circuit story and the Gypsy reference slay me. Paging Hal Perry ...

--Who is the chick?

--Rowan is just smokin' hot.

--Can anyone tell me why in the hell I'm not doing a long form interview show? I should be doing a long form interview show. Miserable bastards.

--That's Groucho Marx, right? WOW.

--Rowan doesn't have a goddamn ashtray! As a former smoker, this dove me nuts--and I died laughing at the end of the vid.

This post is done. 

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Monday, December 15, 2014

Life of Erin

What my life looks like with more arms and at a much faster rate.

Except (of course) for the very end, when there may or may not be one piece missing because said puzzle is likely to come from Unique Thrift, where a puzzle may or may not be what a person thinks it is when a person pays 50 cents for said puzzle.

Puzzle currently under construction by humble hostess (Unique Thrift, 50¢)

The reader is not to assume the reader's humble hostess is spending all of her pre-holiday time doing puzzles. The reader is not to assume anything, ever.


Humble Hostess

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Monday, December 08, 2014

Because ... Cleveland!

Photo by Goat

Friends, I have been known to say that you're no writer in my book unless you've written a shopping guide, summer event calendar or a bevy of "Best of" entries. The good Lord knows I've penned my share and then some, but this shopping guide, my latest for Fresh Water, is by far the quirkiest and most fun list I've ever had the pleasure of pounding out.

Who says you can't fit the Terminal Tower under the tree? Who says you can't have Earl Sheib standing guard over your bra?

Now then, today's graphic comes from one of the gift sources I cite in the article. If you want to hear the whole story about the Theatrical and why I love that shirt so much, you can read it over here.

Yeah, yeah ... Long live the CLEVOS!

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Saturday, December 06, 2014

Coffee with the enemy

I should have taken a picture. Why didn't I take a picture?

It was a calm Cleveland morning. I had an early coffee date in Tremont at a popular spot, Civilization. Everything was on point: I got a good parking spot, a good cup of coffee and a good table. Being a few minutes early, I pecked at my iPad until my associate arrived.

She did. We chatted and laughed and exchanged Cleveland stories. It was a casual and fun network opportunity between two locals who know this town up one side and down the other.

At about 9 a.m., about half a dozen cops ambled in.

Dear reader, these cops were outfitted in a way I've never seen. They were positively encumbered by their bulletproof vests, which were loaded with god-knows-what, but so much so that they bulged out several inches from their chests. They had pistols strapped to their thighs and some other sort of weapon on their shoulders.  At least one of them had the word DEPUTY (or was it SHERIFF?) written across his back. They crowded around a table next to us and commenced a leisurely coffee break.

photo by Bob Perkoski

I am curious to a fault. I smolder with curiosity all of the time about everything. I was dying to stare at those cops, to start asking them questions, to get the whole story and a complete list of the gear strapped around them, but it just wasn't in the cards.

Why the hell didn't I take a picture? It would have been so easy to discreetly take a picture with my iPad.

At one point, a lady cop stood up and scooted by me in the tight space between our tables, her gun just inches from my head. No, I wasn't afraid. I just thought why the hell do I have to tolerate this broad's gun right by my head while I'm just sitting here having coffee?

The bottom line is that those cops were outfitted for war. They looked like they were headed into Afghanistan instead of out onto Starkweather Avenue. While they sat there casually sipping brew for a half hour, they were clearly dressed to fight a vicious enemy.

Who was the enemy? The barista? Me? The scruffy man outside on the sidewalk? Maybe it's anyone who behaves erratically. I have no idea, but I do know they were armed against Clevelanders.

Now then, someone will surely chime in and say they were armed to protect Clevelanders. Perhaps that is so. Sitting there, however, I felt more perplexed than anything else. Why the hell are these guys sitting in Civilization dressed like combat soldiers?

This is not what neighborhood cops should look like. Ever. And if they were some special team, they should have been out doing their special things and not making a coffee house look like a war zone.

So that was Friday, November 21st. Tamir Rice was shot the next day four and a half miles away after Officer Timothy Loehmann dithered for less than two seconds over whether or not to open fire on him with a gun paid for by Clevelanders.

My Friday and Tamir's Saturday are completely unrelated and completely related. I don't know why, but I know it is so. Maybe you, dear reader, can figure it out for me. In the meantime, all I can do is sigh and invite you to read a touching personal essay about Tamir Rice penned by a former teacher.

photo by Bob Perkoski

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